Grace
Less
Than Perfect but Still OK
I turned 45 this year and I wish that I could report that my spiritual life has reached an all-time high. Instead, the truth is far less glamorous. I seem to struggle with everything that I had previously thought that I had overcome even though for the last 15 years I have gotten up early and spent about an hour a day in a daily devotional time with God.
I read my Bible through several times a year, move from translation to translation every couple of years to keep me sharp, have taken graduate classes in theology (I mean, hey, I even went so far as to get a doctoral degree in ministry), have tried fasting for long periods of time and writing in a daily prayer journal but even though I am “doing” what I think are all the right things my spiritual sensitivity scale seems to register remarkably low.
The result is a life of incredible frustration. I keep trying to figure out God’s will for my life and as I press in to listen for that still small voice all I seem to hear is static. My desire to do what God would have me to do has often resulted in pulling out a pair of dice and rolling or even worse I find myself walking into a Chinese restaurant and waiting expectantly for the fortune cookie as if God was going to somehow send me a message that was creatively carved out ‘just for me’ and placed in the midst of sugar and flour. I cannot tell you how many times I have been disappointed with the “fortune” that was revealed in those cookies. I mean outside of learning what numbers I should be playing for the week’s lottery game I have not really had that much luck.
So, what gives? What am I doing wrong? How come when a scantily dressed gal swaggers by I have to remind my eyes to look away? How come when an overwhelming day arrives I find myself reaching for a Xanax? What is the deal with having to take a daily Prozac pill to keep from being over-reactive? Why do I still lose my temper? How come I often have trouble sleeping? What is the reason I worry about my daughter getting into college? How come, after being married for 21 wonderful years, I sometimes get upset about my wife’s actions? Why, when I pray, does it seem that I am being blocked by some kryptonite so that my prayers seem to be so ineffective? Finally, why do I find myself muttering the word that I was taught as a kid to never say, “Crap,” when it comes to my meager attempt to live for God with all that I have?
The book you are holding in your hands, at least I am hoping that it is still in your hands and not in the garbage, is an attempt to take an honest and open look at this thing we call, “Spirituality.” As a matter of fact, I just tossed out the name of the book to a Psychiatrist friend of mine who happens to be a Christian and he uncomfortably shuffled and in his most loving manner suggested that when the book reaches the hands of the publisher that they might want to change the title.
Of course I understood right away. I mean who wants to admit that the life we are living is sometimes crappy and unstable, ok, maybe more times than not it is crappy and unstable? It is a whole lot easier heading to the bookstore or internet and checking out those books that are major bestsellers stressing the power of positive thoughts, that you can do anything, or be anyone you want to be. I keep waiting for one of the books to give me the secret for living an overcoming life but outside of ripping open my shirt to reveal the giant Superman “S” for being spiritual man, I still find that I am about the same after reading the book, although I do feel somewhat better knowing that I have helped the author hopefully afford college tuition for their kids (I mean that is why I wrote this book. Lol)
As a result of my spiritual journey, I thought it might be novel to simply share the truth (as I understand it). In a nutshell it would go something like this. Life is often hard, sometimes bad things happen that don’t make sense, God is always in the mix but I am not sure how, and eventually this life will pass away and we will have a great shack in heaven. Actually, that was fairly negative. Perhaps if I tried again I would say that I firmly believe that God is with me and because of that…even though things don’t always make sense…I will never give up and so I will persevere and learn to treasure each moment as a gift. Doesn’t that sound better?
It is my goal in this book to simply share a few thoughts about living the spiritual life. It will hopefully be an honest and open look into what the journey looks like in actuality. As a teaser I stole a section from the book, “Messy Spirituality” by Michael Yaconelli as he summed up what the Bible is all about:
Look at the Bible. Its pages overflow with messy people. The biblical writers did not edit out the flaws of its heroes. Like Noah, for example. Everyone thought he was crazy. He certainly was a little strange, but Noah was also courageous, a man of great faith and strong will. Against the backdrop of unrelenting ridicule, Noah built a huge ark in the middle of the desert because God told him it was going to rain. No one believed him, but the rains did come and the flood happened, and after the water receded, Noah triumphantly left the boat, got drunk and got naked.
What? Drunk and naked? I don’t recall any of my Bible teachers or pastors talking about Noah’s….uh…moment of indiscretion…er….weakness…um…failure. The Noah I’ve always heard about was fiercely faithful, irrepressibly independent, and relentlessly resolute. Noah was the model of great faith. Very few ever refer to Noah’s losing battle with wine. Maybe being strong and faithful has its downside. Maybe for flood survivors life is more complicated than we would like to think, and maybe even Noah could have bouts of depression and loneliness.
Why should I be surprised? Turns out all of the biblical characters were
a complex mix or strengths and weaknesses.
David, Abraham,
You might say Christianity has a tradition of messy spirituality. Messy prophets, messy kings, messy disciples, messy apostles.
When I read the words that Yaconelli wrote in his classic book I was immediately intrigued with his journey. He saw the Bible as a compilation of messy people trying to live out lives of faith and the reality was that most of them did not do so well. It gave me hope that I could be at least as good as some of those Bible folk. They reached up to the messy level. Perhaps, just perhaps, I could as well.
I also read another book entitled, “Scandalous Freedom” by Steve Brown and noticed a poem that was quite extraordinary. It was called, “Remember God Can Use Anybody!”
The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
Mary Magdalene was... well you know…
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Saul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer...AND
Lazarus was dead!
I think it is important for us to remember that Bible is full of characters. Characters like you and characters like me. Average people who God shined the spotlight upon so that we could see how they overcame situations that often were overwhelming. In other words, the Bible gives hope to us all because it reveals a pathway of usefulness and grace. We are imperfect people who are simply trying to live for Jesus in a complicated world, and it is complicated. The questions of ethics, sexuality, church… Who knows the right answer.
Yet, through it all, God is good, God is love, and we have hope.
